


Love lies, lies

by floof



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Adoribull - Freeform, Deathfic, Doribull, M/M, Sad, onq raq fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:59:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/floof/pseuds/floof
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bull's not the only one who betrays the Inquisitor. Love makes you do stupid, stupid things. Dorian never would have pegged himself for stupid, but here they are.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love lies, lies

**Author's Note:**

> Mmm, this probably needs more editing but I wrote this instead of sleeping so here ya go. READ. THE. WARNINGS. Bad end twist fic, but not a good twist. If you want full spoilers, go to end notes.

“Change of plans. Nothing personal... Bas.”

There's a split second where Dorian freezes. Where his heart shatters into a thousand pieces. Then he nods to himself, pulling as much of it back together as he can. He casts a barrier on Bull faster then Trevelyan's fear spell can hit.

“Dorian, what the fuck are you doing?!”

“Dor... No... Not you too, please not you too!” 

There's nothing from the Bull. No approval, no refusal of his help.

Trevelyan looks pissed, but Sera looks devastated. She's shaking and there are tears in her eyes, then she grits her teeth, lips pulling back in a snarl. Within a moment she has her bow at the ready. 

Good. Her death would be such a waste.

Dorian doesn't aim at her; can't bring himself to. But he does aim at Trevelyan - for all their talks of magic deep into the night, for all she'd stood by him; protecting him where she could, offering her own stories of shitty fathers followed by the finest of wines - for all of that, this is her fault.

He'd tried to tell her without so many words that an alliance with the Qun would only end in tears. Even that elf of Bulls... Hissrad's... even Gatt had admitted that to many, life under the Qun was just a kinder form of slavery. 

Dorian wants to laugh as he dodges an ice blast; returns it with a fireball. 

Slavery had been the one sticking point in the beginning of their friendship. Dorian would've thought she'd care about a former slave saying that. But no. Even with how Bull, his amatus, had looked at her... had silently pleaded with her for permission to blow the horn, to save his men, his family...

Trevelyan hadn't even hesitated. While Dorian could do nothing but watch. 

Now he knows; The Iron Bull died on that cliff face with the Chargers. He's not stupid. But... how much of Hissrad is Bull, and how much of Bull was Hissrad, he can't say.

Dorian refuses to believe _'Kadan'_ is a lie, even if it is from the lips of a liar. Strong arms around his form didn't lie. Mangled hands running down his back didn't lie. A rough voice in his ear, telling him he's good, he's so good, _yes Dorian, just like that, Kadan..._

That's not a lie. He won't let it be.

Hissrad's looking at him now, a little sad but not trying to dissuade him from his path. Maybe he's just imaging it, but there's got to be a little love in that look.

Or. And his mind is so cruel to him, always. Or maybe Bull - Hissrad, his amatus, his love, had only ever called him Kadan, had never said those three words because he couldn't say them and mean it.

Ha. Liar, lies, lying. It doesn't matter.

Dorian casts barrier after barrier on B - Hissrad, working in tandem like they did in the days of the Inquisition. Even before he'd fallen in bed with the Qunari and never left.

Couldn't leave, really. He'd stayed for the Bull, even when faith and duty should have sent him home far sooner. Not even that blighted letter was going to tear them apart. Dorian had been so determined of that.

The two sending crystals seem heavier in his pockets now. One for Trevelyan, one for the Bull. Both now pointless - a friendship lost by betrayal, thrown away for a love that may never have been real.

Win or lose, Dorian knows it doesn't matter. Lose, they both die.

Win. Well. He knows how the Qun views mages, saarebas. Bas saarebas at that. If they even let him keep his life, he'll never see his Bull again.

Dorian's not stupid enough to think he'd end up anything but chained up, lips sewn shut or tongue cut out. But he can't just let his amatus die. Not without a fight.

So fight he does, keeping Trevelyan's focus on him when he can. Casting barriers on the Bull/Hissrad/ _Amatus_ when he can't.

Maker his everything hurts and he's so tired...

They're losing the battle and he's not surprised, not really. Even down two party members, the pair are making short work of the Qunari.

Sera seems determined to make them all pay for the tears streaming down her cheeks, and Trevelyan. Well.

She's always been such an angry girl. That anger is focused now; honed by pain and bitterness from an ungrateful world she's almost died for time and time again.

Tsk. He'd warned her no one would thank her.

His heart beats in time with the throbbing of his heart, and there's pain. So much of it, and Dorian can feel blood soaking through his clothes before he even looks down to see an arrow lodged deep in his chest. More follow, and he's too drained to keep a barrier up anymore. Not for anyone but the Bull.

Fairly soon, not even for him.

Standings hard, made doubly so by the chill surrounding him. Cold, it's cold, he's cold. Ice in his veins. He holds out for as long as he can, but.

Suddenly the grounds rushing up to meet him, or he's falling, falling, thud. It's hard to tell. The arrows push deeper in his body but he barely even registers it.

Hurts.

Dorian struggles to breathe, wet on his lips. Tastes of copper. Visions going blurry, but he tries - manages to catch a glimpse of Bull.

For all the battles they've been through during the past five years; he's never seen Bull so covered in wounds. These won't scar, they're too deep. Still he fights on. Dorian's... proud of him, some how.

Still he knows that not even Bull, with his big heart, big enough for anyone; even a disappointment like Dorian; will be able to survive this. 

So much blood.

Can't keep his eyes open. He thinks of Mae. Hopes she won't be too terribly pissed at him for dying. And for such a stupid reason, to.

He'd laugh but he can't. All that comes out is a choked wheeze. No, Mae will understand. Probably curse him just the same.

Someone's cursing now, and crying, and screaming in rage and grief. Sera.

He hopes killing him doesn't mess her up further. She's come so far, she's grown up so much and Dorian's had the pleasure of seeing it... He's so fond of the weird little elf... like a sister, almost. 

Wouldn't that be a sight in Tevinter, an altus calling a southern barbarian elf kin. Blood loss is certainly making the thoughts whirl around in his head...

Hurts.

Breathing slows, a blessing really. Each inhale is agony, brings more copper on his tongue. Dorian spares a thought to be grateful that he looks good in red, even if it's blood.

There's a roar, fierce and strong and oh, his amatus...

Maybe it's because Bull thinks he's dead. Maybe that's a lie Dorian's telling himself as a comfort. He is dying, after all.

Dorian allows himself to remember other possible lies.

Bull looking down at him fondly.

_“Nice job back there big guy, we couldn't have done it without you.”_

Bull furious when he disparages himself.

_“Don't talk about yourself that way Kadan. You're so much more then what Tevinter's taught you. You wouldn't be here if you weren't. You trust me in this”_ and Bull had pulled the ropes binding him tighter then, but never enough to really hurt him. Always so gentle, his Bull. His amatus.

_“So trust me when I say you're worth it. You've got a good heart, big guy.”_

Bull waving him over to his corner of the tavern, so empty now without the Chargers. Pulling him into his lap like he was proud to have Dorian in it. Sometimes Dorian hadn't even put up a fuss. It had been nice, being wanted, lie or no.

Another possible lie comes to him; crisp and clear despite the fog around his mind. Bull holding him the night before the final battle. Dorian had suggested sex to get their minds off of it, to have one last hurrah just in case either of them didn't make it through the morrow. Bull had only pulled him closer.

_“Not tonight. Need to hold you now, Kadan. Need to know you're real, you're here, with me.”_ Dorian wishes he'd heard the unsaid _“when no one else is.”_

Maybe all of this could've been avoided, if he'd just listened. Maybe... oh, that's a lie to. 

But Dorian will forgive himself, just this once. He is dying, after all. Bull would be so proud, he's finally cutting himself some slack.

The thought makes him smile and it hurts, hurts.

Hurts.

Why isn't it over yet? It feels like he's been lying here forever, waiting to bleed out. A thought makes it through, fuzzy around the edges, that it only feels like that long.

Something large hits the ground next to him, the crash of metal and muscle jarring him slightly. Then Dorian hears scraping, feels a hand? Weakly grasping at his chest. It pulls him closer, or tries to.

He can't open his eyes, he doesn't have enough strength left to. But he knows, knows it's the Bull. The smell of sweat, of leather and oil he's had memorized for longer then he'll ever know reaches him. It takes everything Dorian has to clasp at his amatus, to squeeze down on his hand. 

Dorian wants to open his eyes, wants to see Bull just one more time, he wants

Nothing.

There's no more pain. There isn't anything at all.

**Author's Note:**

> For the kink meme [prompt](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/15543.html?thread=59940535) 'Dorian betrays the inquisition with Bull. Love makes you do strange things, indeed.'
> 
> I chose to interpret this as they both die. Dorian spends the fic wondering if his entire relationship with Bull was a lie, so possible dubcon triggers. I tried to make it clear that it wasn't, duties just more important to qun!Bull then love, but if anyone thinks I should add that tag, let me know?


End file.
